Cody Rhodes &
Goldust vs. Ryback & Curtis Axel (pre-show match)
Since
this is on the pre-show, it shouldn’t really matter, but it does kind of make
me wonder since Mark Henry returned if he’s going to bring back his tag team with
Big E. I always feel that WWE should
start things on a positive note, so a Cody Rhodes & Goldust win here would
be ideal. Plus I have no idea what the benefit
of the heels winning would be as they are mostly forgotten otherwise.
Winners: Cody Rhodes & Goldust by default
Darren Young vs.
Titus O’Neil
The
measure of WWE’s tag team division can be found in the fact that while WWE has
placed some guys together, fans still don’t care and really don’t feel
compelled to choose a side. Should Jack
Swagger and Cesaro break up, I could see Cesaro making a good face. Goldust and Cody Rhodes may or may not be able
to exist on their own, but this feels a lot like what would happen if Ryback
and Curtis Axel broke up, though fans have already had enough chances not to
care about them.
WWE
simply should have invested more into these characters before splitting them
from their tag team because now it seems like no matter who wins or loses this
match, both men become losers as they fade into mid-card oblivion where you
wonder whether or not they’re still employed.
Someone
really needs to make a chart as to how often superstars are seen on WWE
television, with JTG being the lowest on the scale or “hardly ever seen” and
then someone like Dolph Ziggler or Fandango becomes “slightly utilized” because
we see them sometimes but they’re doing anything regular.
I
expect both of these guys to go into the territory above JTG (They won’t just
sit home and collect paychecks) but below Dolph Ziggler as if you don’t watch
Main Event or Superstars, you’ll most likely never see them again until the
annual Smack Down backstage Thanksgiving skit.
Winner: Darren Young,
because he can’t be buried completely
Batista vs. Alberto
Del Rio
For
reasons no one is really sure of, Alberto Del Rio was quite upset that Batista
came back and he has been very vocal about it.
This is leading to their match at this pay-per-view, sure, but the faith
we should have in ADR picking up a win here rests in the fact that the title
shot at Wrestlemania isn’t even on the line here.
Also,
Batista needs to look good (and stay protected) going into WMXXX, so why not
defeat a former World Champ who, you know, I don’t know… hasn’t had a
meaningful feud or win since Dolph Ziggler was relevant.
Winner: Batista by a
landslide
Big E. vs. Jack
Swagger (Intercontinental Title Match)
What’s
interesting about this match is that on the same night we have Cesaro going for
the big gold, Jack Swagger is going for the smaller gold and, well, they are a
tag team and have been known to go for tag team gold.
Either
I had the idea or someone proposed it somewhere that Hulk Hogan joins John Cena
to fight The Real Americans in a tag team match at WMXXX and I think that’s our
best bet here, so let’s have Big E. retain and other events unfold later in the
show.
Winner: Big E, because you want to see him unleash his giant
moobs.
New Age Outlaws vs. The
Usos (Tag Team Championship Match)
All too
recently, I’ve sat through far too many boring matches on Raw involving the New
Age Outlaws. I remember the Outlaws
being exciting and just having all out brawls with other tag teams. They had a dumpster match against Cactus Jack
and Chainsaw Charlie!
Yet
now, the highlights of their matches seem to be whining and rest holds. How did they get back from TNA into WWE?
The
Usos are a hot tag team right now- perhaps the hottest in all of WWE- and the
guys who look like mini-Rocks have a great high flying style that I enjoy
watching more than not and would love nothing more than to see them dethrone
the NAO.
But
that isn’t going to happen tonight. No,
I expect some sort of tag team gauntlet or clusterfuck coming into WMXXX that
will have The Usos finally win the gold because if not, then I mean, what will
they do at ‘Mania??
Winners: New Age
Outlaws… for now.
Randy Orton (Champion)
vs. John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus vs. Christian vs. Cesaro Elimination
Chamber Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Randy
Orton faces five different opponents and I’d love to say that one of these guys
defeats him, but I find that to be rather unlikely. Sure, a Daniel Bryan/Batista match up, with
the Authority backing Batista, would be insanely awesome… or at least better
than Orton/Batista crapfest we’re being taunted by, but I don’t really think
WWE is going to try and change the WMXXX main event following the Royal Rumble,
no matter who walks out of the locker room.
On some
level, I would actually enjoy seeing John Cena win this match and presenting
John Cena vs. Batista at WMXXX because right now anything is better than
Orton/Batista. What I find funny, and
what I was thinking about most recently, is how WWE seemed to have a plan set
back at Summerslam and they dropped the ball on it.
Daniel
Bryan defeated John Cena for the title only to be quickly defeated by Randy
Orton. Had John Cena avenged his losses
to Randy Orton at the Royal Rumble, and Daniel Bryan won the match, then we
could have easily seen the Summerslam rematch, with a Bella in each corner,
that would have been the hottest Wrestlemania match since Hogan vs. Warrior or
The Rock vs. Austin when both were faces.
So like
they do, WWE dropped the ball and I don’t expect them to pick it back up
here. John Cena will go off to do
something else at WMXXX, most likely being eliminated in this match by Cesaro
to set up that angle for WMXXX. (Cena
calls out Cesaro on Raw, both Real Americans attack Cena, Hogan makes the save)
Likewise
in that scenario, Cesaro won’t be winning this match but will have an
impressive show and most likely do the brunt of the work. At some point in time, though it is still
unknown when, I hope WWE has another MITB ladder match, Cesaro can win that and
have his first championship reign as a heel, complete with Jack Swagger
tension.
Sheamus
and Christian both just returned and are both lucky if they even get on the
WMXXX card, so let’s move past them as they’re basically guys who you might
think will win but probably won’t. You’re
not going to put Zach Ryder or Santino in this match, but both probably have
about as much of a chance as these two do.
That
leaves Daniel Bryan and what he will do at WMXXX. I really don’t know. Could Brock Lesnar enter the chamber and
destroy Bryan, setting up a match for them for WMXXX? Oh wait, no, that’s right. Daniel Bryan has to fill the CM Punk void, so
he’ll be facing HHH at WMXXX. Hooray!
Orton
and Bryan will be the last two, naturally, and The Authority will cost Daniel
Bryan the match, which will push him to the point where he calls out HHH for
WMXXX.
Winner: Randy Orton, and the song remains the same
The Shield vs. The
Wyatt Family
The
Shield came into WWE as one of the hottest acts and quite frankly, they’re
still a really hot act. Not that long
after, The Wyatt Family debuted and generated seemingly just as much buzz. Fans speculated on the internet as to what
would happen, as these two factions were both being presented as heels, and why
they couldn’t face off because of it.
Without
turning either faction into face mode, WWE has found a way to make them fight
and to make it seem like just an amazing concept, something that I don’t think
anyone in the realms of WWE has been this excited for since… Umm… Maybe since
CM Punk did something?
What
you have to remember about this pay-per-view are two things. First, it is the last pay-per-view before
Wrestlemania, but it is not Wrestlemania.
And second, this is the last pay-per-view WWE will produce for the foreseeable
future that will not be available live on the WWE Network.
If WWE
ever felt the need to flip the middle finger to cable and satellite providers,
putting on a less than adequate pay-per-view here could do the trick. Let’s face facts, WWE has been able to put
on regular suckfests even when they were supposed to be worried about buyrates,
so this shouldn’t be that much of a problem for them. Also, it’s nothing that can’t be salvaged by
a huge Raw the night after.
All
that being said, there is no reason to break up The Shield. The Shield members do not need to face off
against each other at WMXXX to have a place on the card because, well, how
about we just do this match again on the grandest stage of them all? Really, I’m thinking about it from not only
a storyline standpoint, but also from a business stance.
Here is
a match that is more anticipated than the main event—the main event that the
pay-per-view event is named for mind you—and you think WWE will squander that
moment by having The Shield break up?
While I wouldn’t put it past them, I certainly would hope they’d give it
a second thought.
These
six men are not going to be easy to contain.
There is no practical reason why their first encounter needs to end in
Roman Reigns turning on Dean Ambrose, hitting him with the spear and the Wyatts
win. There is no reason for that. Just make this a melee. Just have it be an all out war.
In the
end, the refs won’t be able to stop the carnage or keep control in any sense of
the word really, and the match is thrown out.
No contest. Bring out the suits
and Jamie Noble, do the pull apart and send the two factions to the back so
they can bring out the next miserable match.
The
aftermath of this, of course, involves these two teams fighting again at WMXXX
only under a different set of
rules. Put them in a cage? Give them a no DQ match? Give them a special enforcer? I’d look to call someone like Mick Foley or
Steve Austin, but I think Foley might be your man here.
Yeah,
give these two a rematch at WMXXX. No
DQ. Special Guest Enforcer/Referee Type
Guy: Mick Foley. If you’re going to turn
Roman Reigns, at least wait to do it until then.
I will return with WMXXX predictions as that card takes shape and until then hope that some kind folks put WWE pay-per-views on YouTube for free because, well, you'll have The Network.
