Wednesday, December 11, 2013

WWE's Tender Lovin' Care Predictions 2013

                It’s that time of the year when WWE likes to remind us that Left Eye is dead.   If you’re thinking this seems like a throwaway pay-per-view before the New Year begins (And the road to Wrestlemania), then you’re probably right.

                Although Alberto Del Rio is being evaluated for a concussion, I still wouldn’t be surprised to see Sin Cara (aka Hunico) on this card somehow.   I also wouldn’t mind seeing the rejuvenated Brodus Clay either. 


Dolph Ziggler vs. Fandango

                This is the pre-show match, so you know it’s going to be Miz/Kofi levels of greatness.   At one point in time, both of these guys were heels that fans cheered so they kind of became faces and now who knows what they are other than buried.

                It really feels like this should be an awesome IC Title level ladder match instead of just pre-show fodder, but sadly that is the state of WWE right now.   Dolph Ziggler needs to move back up the ranks more than Fandango since the latter really just needs a gimmick overhaul (Less dance, more wrestle)

Winner: Dolph Ziggler, to send us into the show happy


AJ Lee (Champion) vs. Natalya (Diva’s Championship Match)

                If there is any justice in the world, Natalya will win the title and have a good run as champ until Wrestlemania against a returning Trish Stratus, Awesome Kong (Kharma) or Beth Phoenix.   But knowing WWE, AJ Lee will keep the title somehow and then the women (or at least her, as champ) won’t even make the Wrestlemania card.

Winner: Natalya, not that it will affect the ratings for Total Divas


Goldust & Cody Rhodes (Champions) vs. The Real Americans vs. Curtis Axel & Ryback vs. Big Show & Rey Mysterio (Tag Team Championship Match)

                What interests me most about this match is the fact that WWE has four tag teams here, yet there are even more tag teams out there not being used.   The Shield and Wyatt Family are both in handicapped matches, Prime Time Players, The Usos, 3MB, Tons of Funk (if they instead of breaking up stay together as monster heels) and even that pairing of Xavier Woods and R-Truth round out what seems to be the best the division has seen in quite some time.    (Also, don’t forget Hunico and Camacho, when Hunico isn’t playing Sin Cara)

                If Cody Rhodes and Goldust are going to have a match at WMXXX (and why not), then it should start now with them losing the tag titles, followed by dissension in the Rumble match itself.   That means that they need to lose the tag titles here, even if through no fault of their own.   So let’s break down the competition.

                I have no idea why Big Show and Rey Mysterio are a tag team, other than having memories of Rey Rey being stuck to a stretcher and Big Show slamming him into a ring post.  If this is setting the stage for a Big Show-Rey match at WMXXX, then there is no hope for either man here.

                I actually do hope that Curtis Axel and Ryback have a match at WMXXX… on the pre-show.  So with the makeshift tag teams out of the way, that leaves only The Real Americans as a viable option to the win titles and rightfully so.

Winners: The Real Americans, because Jack Swagger is a former World Champion dammit!


Big E Langston (Champion) vs. Damien Sandow (Intercontinental Title Match)

                On one hand, I remember when Big E was bodyguard to Dolph Ziggler and then Sandow and Ziggler had a series of match for some reason.   Unless Big E is going to get the true Diesel treatment and win the 2014 Royal Rumble match, I don’t see him dropping the IC title yet.

                Additionally, Damien Sandow has proven time and time again that he can still look good while losing.    I see no need for a title change here, but hopefully Damien Sandow can get a good match out of Dolph’s former bodyguard. 

Winner: Big E Langston, because WWE likes it big.


C.M. Punk // Daniel Bryan vs. The Shield // The Wyatt Family (3 on 1 Match)

                I’m actually previewing these together because they are both 3 on 1 matches and so they share that same quality and a lot to be done with the predictions.  On one hand, if either Bryan or Punk should lose, no one is going to blame them for not being able to overcome the odds. 

                In a similar yet flipped idea, for either team of The Shield or The Wyatts to lose would be kind of odd because why can’t even the tag team versions of those factions beat one wrestler?  

                The whole deal is highly illogical on paper and could make for some excellent wrestling, though it doesn’t stand that either man will gain anything here.   (The factions in winning  or even the singles competitors by winning)

                More damage will be done to the Wyatts and Shield if they lose than good will be done to Bryan or Punk, and should either man or both lose… Well, really, this just feels a lot like no matter who wins or loses it doesn’t matter.

                I just want to see Punk wrestle Ambrose and Rollins.   Let’s hope 2014 is the year that Dean Ambrose wins the MITB and cashes in successfully.

                While it doesn’t really matter who wins or loses, I’m still going to say that Bryan succumbs to the odds and loses (Only to bounce back with a Royal Rumble win ala Shawn Michaels, entering at #1) and Punk will probably win due to The Shield having some sort of argument. 

Winners: C.M. Punk and The Wyatt Family


Randy Orton (WWE Champion) vs. John Cena (World Heavyweight Champion) (Title Unification Match)

                So here’s the thing.   WWE has been pretty shitty all year and they have their problems, especially with delivering on promises, so now it’s time for them to step up.   This match can be as much of a mess as it needs to be—overbook it, I could really care less.   The only thing that needs to be accomplished is that Randy Orton needs to come out the winner and Undisputed Champion.

                Why?   Because we need a heel going into Wrestlemania XXX.   Because we need a foe for Daniel Bryan and their feud sort of got put on the backburner so let’s bring it back.   Because John Cena will hopefully find some other way to spend WMXXX.

                Yes, I fully expect Daniel Bryan to be “punished” and forced to enter the Royal Rumble at spot #1.  This would lead to a D-Bry win ala Shawn Michaels, who then sides with Bryan over The Authority.   This will set up the face of WWE Randy Orton (w/ HHH, Stephanie and Kane) vs. Daniel Bryan (w/ Shawn Michaels and Jose Lothario) for the title at WMXXX.  

                When Daniel Bryan wins the Undisputed title at WMXXX, he can then feud with John Cena again.  But Cena will have bigger problems, possibly even Brock Lesnar sized problems.   I don’t know, I haven’t worked out Cena’s role at WMXXX yet and I do not want to see a triple threat match.

                But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Winner: Randy Orton because John Cena isn’t friends with HHH



                The next pay-per-view (and first for 2014) is the Royal Rumble and that should be interesting.   The matches aside from a title match and the Rumble itself always seem to be throwaway, so we’ll see John Cena vs. Randy Orton again in some capacity, if only to shift their feud to other people.   (I fully expect Orton to go doing something else while John Cena faces Daniel Bryan at WMXXX)  The Rumble match itself also gives a chance for the real Sin Cara to return as well as Brodus Clay to dump out Tensai.   

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