When I was at the height of my professional wrestling watching I had always loved CHIKARA. I had my favorite promotions but I also had them for different reasons. CZW was the ultraviolent one with all of the hardcore matches that reminded me of ECW and FMW. ROH was where wrestling was a sport and not entertainment. CHIKARA wasn't really either of those things, although there was a sports aspect to it because there is a sports aspect in all wrestling except for maybe thumb wrestling.
To understand what I like about CHIKARA is to explain it to someone who has never seen it before. CHIKARA, to me, is what professional wrestling was like for me growing up before my teens even. It's the 1980's and the early 1990's WWF. It's WCW before the Monday Night War ruined it. It's the idea that Papa Shango can perform his crazy voodoo and you don't question it but rather just go along with it.
Not long after I took a break from watching professional wrestling CHIKARA shut down. They hit the button on their laptop to fade to black, but yes, they did eventually return. Living in Texas I was watching most all wrestling I could get my hands on and I was always kind of bummed when I'd read about CHIKARA coming to Connecticut (where I used to live) and I wasn't there. I moved back to Connecticut recently and now I'm getting back into CHIKARA, which exists once again, and everything just feels like it's falling into place.
I also have a three year old son now, so I was excited to be moving back closer to CHIKARA because they are a family friendly promotion, PG before WWE was and actually doing much better at it than WWE ever did. My son doesn't really care if he sees someone getting hit with a chair or fist because he knows both aren't something to do in real life, yet the language in most promotions is what I don't want him repeating and so CHIKARA having that non-swearing policy makes them ideal for me for this reason as well. I remember watching a CHIKARA VHS once where they announced to the live crowd not to swear and I thought that was cool, kind of going against what most wrestling promotions are doing.
Essentially, as I keep telling my wife, the thing about CHIKARA is that they are doing something right now that no one else is doing. There are promotions out there operating under similar circumstances and in a lot of ways that's fine because I'll watch AAA and CMLL no problem. But there just isn't anything out there like CHIKARA. (Wait, Osaka Pro is still out there. Must. Find. Shows.)
In any case, I'm not sure what all that means but it's kind of a brief version of how I got from there to here, even though I'm sure I'll be throwing in hints during the matches of where my CHIKARA timeline last left off.
The show opens with a slide show type package of all of the matches coming up. It's something that every promotion should really think about doing because it lets you know what you're getting into. Granted, I don't have as much trouble with that when I'm watching wrestling with English commentary but those Mexican and Japanese promotions can get tricky when you don't know the languages.
Leonard F. Chikarason, Bryce Remsburg and Mike Quackenbush check in at ringside and then send it over to Gavin Loudspeaker who heads to the ring talking. Loudspeaker goes around the ring and calls people out by name, from a kid who is at his first show to someone eating food to a little girl with a comb. This will either make you want to go to a show so Gavin Loudspeaker will talk to you or have you cringe in fear at the thought. [Personal Parental Note: If Gavin Loudspeaker came up to my three year old to talk to him it would be interesting to say the least. I can't promise Mr. Loudspeaker would leave in any way other than tears though, sadly] Gavin Loudspeaker encourages everyone to take lots of photos but not videos. We then get into our first match.
Match One: The Wrecking Crew (Blaster McMassive / Flex Rumblecrunch / Max Smashmaster) / Jaka / Oleg The Usurper (w/ Sidney Bakabella) vs. The Throwbacks (Dasher Hatfield / Mark Angelosetti) / Jervis Cottonbelly / Princess Kimberlee / Shynron
Sidney Bakabella had the pre-match promo, but really he said it all headed to the ring when he declared "Opening tag is main event money". The Wrecking Crew side is made up of the heels or rudos as these matches are contested under lucha libre rules (It's how I remember them) For the rudo team, the combination of The Wrecking Crew is somewhere between Demolition, Powers of Pain and the Road Warriors. Each member is a sort of mix of others so you can't really say that Blaster McMassive, for instance, is an homage to The Barbarian (Powers of Pain style) though that might be the closest character to compare him with. Jaka reminds me of when Taz was originally in ECW as the Tazmaniac and there is nothing wrong with that. Oleg The Usurper (who gets the award for best name in the match) is a bit like Berzerker with his entrance gear on but not as much when you see him in the match. On the technicos side of things (the good guys) we have the Throwbacks of Dasher Hatfield who I have to remember because his mask looks like a baseball and Mark Angelosetti who I don't remember as much but comes out with a football. If you're just seeing the name "The Throwbacks" around you're probably either thinking of a) Deuce and Domino in WWE or b) The Vaudevillains but these Throwbacks are not like either of those. Wasn't Sugar Dunkerton an original member of the Throwbacks? I feel like that's how I remember them. Jervis Cottonbelly came into CHIKARA at the time that I had stopped watching it so I remember his name but don't really remember seeing much of him. For a little bit in the beginning of this match I kept trying to think of who else had that yellow head mask and then I remembered The Sharecropper (that was my era CHIKARA) which of course took my mind to "Sweeney Eats Corn" chants, which of course made me a little bit sad. Shynron is a young high flyer wearing a mask and for whatever reason he reminds me of a cross between Ricochet and someone I can't quite place. Princess Kimberlee is the lone woman in the match and I've had some problems with women fighting men in Lucha Underground but since she's in a multi-person match and as such more of a wrestler than Sidney Bakabella I'm okay with it. (To be fair, in Lucha Underground I wouldn't mind seeing six person tag matches with one woman on each side and two men, but what can you do) Mike Quackenbush made the comment during the match, about Kimberlee being in it, that they are "Equal rights and equal fights". I can go with that. This match reminded me of something straight out of the old school WWF Survivor Series days. Remember when the Headshrinkers used to come to the ring and it was always around Thanksgiving so they'd be carrying carcasses of meat with them, eating it along the way? Yeah, there was no buffet here but I realize this might be my most complex match to think about as it has the most competitors in it. Why would CHIKARA give me so much all at once and right away? Couldn't we open with a nice singles match? It was a good opener though and everyone got in their fair share of spots. It started with a joke about the football being deflated of Angelosetti and this was before the New England Patriots won the Super Bowl, not that it matters anyway. Shynron was a bright spot in the match and they played up his taped ribs quite a bit. Apparently, Oleg The Usurper's finisher is called "Off With HIs Head" and now I like him even more. Max Smashmaster worked over Kimberlee before Blaster McMassive came in and hit a superplex for the win. After the match The Wrecking Crew was shown walking backstage talking about pay days and all that. Pay days in the sense of making money, not the candy bar. Someone should bring Sidney Bakabella a candy bar at an event and see what happens.
A promo is shown where Ophidian is in a candlelit room in front of a mirror discussing his upcoming match. I don't know who on any other roster could pull this type of atmosphere off (Bray Wyatt?) but this could have been taped in a bathroom for all we know and yet it still looks like a million bucks and gives us a look we're not used to seeing. Better than standing in front of a company logo or lockers.
Match Two: Nokken vs. Ophidian
Ophidian is one half of the Osirian Portal and his partner for that tag team, Amasis, joins him at ringside here. I like the Ophidian Facebook page and remember not that long ago his gear was stolen and he needed a match for a mask and someone who bought one from him (as a fan) shipped it to him right quick so he would have it and that still amazes me to this day-- how we're all so connected and living in our own wrestling community. You get me one lucha libre fan at Fed Ex and that mask is getting there before expected delivery date! Nokken is a lot bigger than Ophidian and that feels like it could become a factor here. Nokken has a mask that has bull horns on the top of it and yet this piece of fabric that drapes down over his mouth like a female character in Aladdin. He is also a member of the BDK, who last I remember them were lead by one Claudio Cas... Umm... Cesaro. In this match, each man has two points so as it is explained by the commentators the winner would be in line for a title shot. So apparently in CHIKARA you need three victories in a row for a title shot and your final victory would be against someone else who also has two victories in a row. Since they have to be in a row whoever loses this match loses all their points so it is a bit of a winner takes all situation. In an odd spot, Nokken had Ophidian up for a backbreaker outside the ring and he dropped him down onto his leg/knee. Would he have been disqualified if he planted Ophidian on the floor instead? Is thay why he didn't do that? Because I think that move would've made more sense. Quack plays up the body control of Ophidian a lot during this match as Ophidian paints up Nokken with knees. At one point in the corner he seemingly climbs up Nokken and even does a hand stand to hit him in the head with knees. Nokken did end up using his size to his advantage though as he hit his finisher on Ophidian, "The Nokken Driver", for the pin and win. The Nokken Driver, for the record, has Nokken hold up his opponent in a cradle suplex-like manner and then spike them on their head like a DDT. I was once told that move was too dangerous to do to another human being and my "fantasy wrestling" was too far fetched. A Nokken title shot will be interesting though, as he has a distinct size advantage over seemingly most of the CHIKARA roster and what's next for Ophidian also leaves me wondering in a good way.
Next up is a promo from Jakob Hammermeier and Nokken. It's basically about how Nokken won and so the BDK will win again later tonight because Jakob (pronounced "Yock-um") Hammermeier is the new leader of the BDK with Nokken and Pinkie Sanchez.
A promo for N_R_G next which is a tag team that look a lot like High Energy, mostly in their wardrobe. This might seem wrong, but Race Jaxon is the more energetic of the two while Hype Rockwell is a bit more laid back. Yes, Race Jaxon is hyper and Hype Rockwell is not the hype man.
Match Three: N_R_G vs. The Colony Xtreme Force (Arctic Rescue Ant / Missile Assault Ant)
I vaguely remember The Colony but not these Ants. There are a lot of Ants in CHIKARA now, are there not? Following a superkick and tilt-a-whirl backbreaker Hype Rockwell scores a three count on Arctic Rescue Ant in about as much time as it took me to type all that. N_R_G leaves the ring excited and Missile Assault Ant yells at Arctic Rescue Ant about how he never even got into the match and then walks out on him. An audible "That's Not Teamwork" chant brings a smile to my face.
UltraMantis Black, who I do remember so well, cuts a promo and in it he says he vanquished Delirious which explains what happened to him. Apparently something else happened with him as well where his stable of Hallowicked and Frightmare turned on him and I remember them but don't remember that happening. Should I go through the CHIKARA alumni yearbook and name all of the names I remember? Where's Crossbones?
Match Four: Juan Francisco de Coronado vs. UltraMantis Black
Prior to the match there was an in ring plug for the next CHIKARA event, National Free Wrestling Day, and it is also worth noting that for whatever reason the referees in CHIKARA seem to be heavily booed. Juan Francisco de Coronado has very quiet music and as he walks gingerly to the ring he actually draws a "Hurry Up" chant. I can hear a single person yell at him "Even the Big Show's faster than that!" Funny stuff. JFdC cuts an in ring promo which is subtitled in both English and Spanish. He says that our leader in the United States is Borris Oprah and I'm not sure why. He gets booed a lot and reminds me of a lucha libre heel who doesn't wear a mask. For someone current I'd say Texano Jr. but for someone you might have to look up I'd say Latin Lover and not just because JFdC also happens to rock the bow tie. UltraMantis Black has a cool spot in this match where he's inside the ring and drops JFdC to the outside and JFdC lands butt first on the ring apron. It looked like a good way to break your butt. This match reminded me of everything I love about UltraMantis Black while also introducing me to JFdC who is a most excellent heel. One of the commentators (I won't name names) wondered where Hallowicked and Frightmare were, to the extent of whether or not they were in the building because they hadn't been in the same building with UMB since turning on him. I wanted to let him know that they do have a match later on in the card so I'd hope they were in the building but no one brought it up and when the day comes that televisions work both ways like that it won't matter because I wasn't watching this live. UMB ends up hitting a spike piledriver on JFdC for the win and I'm only hoping this leads to the eventual UltraMantis Black title shot.
Another BDK promo. This time targeting the match more specifically and Pinkie Sanchez is there.
Match Five: Die Bruderschaft des Kreuzes (Jakob Hammermeier / Pinkie Sanchez) / Solider Ant vs. The Colony (Fire Ant / Silver Ant / Worker Ant) *Trios Match*
For The Colony, these are the Ants that I remember. Apparently Soldier Ant is not their friend any more but he doesn't seem to like the BDK really either. Mike Quackenbush left the commentary postion at this time to give us the combo of Leonard F. Chikarason and Dasher Hatfield. Dasher Hatfield has some great things to say on commentary and if there was a way to get alternate commentary for all CHIKARA events with him doing commentary I would listen to that as well. Something I Learned In This Match: Pinkie Sanchez used to be Carpenter Ant. I recognize the name Pinkie Sanchez but I don't remember there being a Carpenter Ant as much. Dasher Hatfield and LFC had a great exchange during this match about the different Ants and their various forms, as Dasher kept thinking there was a Blue Ant and LFC had to explain it to him. Though it is worth noting that Silver Ant used to be Green Ant but he upgraded. See! See how confusing and fun all of these Ants can be. So this means there are at least six Ants in CHIKARA and four of them are in this match. At one point it looked like Soldier Ant might be doing something to rejoin his fellow Ants (Has there ever been a female Ant?) but it was quickly broken up. Worker Ant, or as Dasher kept calling him "Blue Ant", eventually was locked into some sort of Texas Cloverleaf/sharpshooter type of submission hold and had to tap out to Jakob Hammermeier. After the match Dasher says "I'm going for a hot dog" and is off commentary. It's worth noting that, as this was a Trios Match, one thing I always loved about CHIKARA was that they had the King of Trios tournament as well as the Tag Team World Grand Prix. I remember seeing Necro Butcher and Mad Man Pondo in the Tag Team World Grand Prix and they were "Team CZW". I just thought it was so overdue that we could finally see different promotions being represented in one giant tournament as promotions don't really seem to work together for some reason. I realize pride is an issue (If the champion of Promotion A fought the champion of Promotion B and A won then it would imply that A is better and thus people might be inclined to choose A over B in terms of watching, spending money, etc. but if the fight was big enough why not? There could be money in it and that'd be good for business for everyone!)
Match Six: Eddie Kingston vs. Kevin Condron (w/The Lithuanian Snow Troll)
Eddie Kingston had a backstage pre-match promo, as seems to be the theme here. Kevin Condron is out first and this is my first time seeing him. I thought he might be somewhat of a "normal" guy in CHIKARA but as it turns out, when he takes his entrance gear off, you can see he has rather large, golden Pegasus wings on his sneakers. As Dasher left the commentary table at the end of the last match, for this match we are joined by UltraMantis Black. If there is any justice in this world the newest piece of CHIKARA merchandise shall soon be a stuffed animal resembling The Lithuanian Snow Troll. Eddie Kingston comes out in a duster and has a shirt that says "I Hope You Suffer". Yes, I want that shirt now. There are dueling chants for both of these men somehow, which baffles me because Eddie Kingston is a staple of CHIKARA to me and whether he's a rudo or technico he's always just been this all around tough guy you don't want to mess with. In some ways (and I might only be saying it because it's relevant right now) he reminds me of what Samoa Joe was to TNA before leaving. The fact that the crowd is chanting for someone I don't know confuses me but I suppose the crowd knows who Kevin Condron is and that's why. Funny thing, the Cage Match dot net profile picture for Kevin Condron shows him in a mask. He wasn't in a mask during this match but now I'm going to have to look into why/how he lost the match or if it was just a choice of rebranding. I really expected this to just be a fight where Eddie Kingston pushed the younger kid to his limit but the experience paid off and Kingston came out on top but it ended with a cheap tactic. Condron ended up acting as if he had been hit with a low blow by Kingston so when the ref thought that he disqualified Eddie Kingston giving Kevin Condron the victory by DQ. CHIKARA made the play in the opening match about the deflated footballs, but in both the NFL and MLB now they have the replay rule so why not do something with that where Eddie Kingston can challenge the disqualification? Even if they don't want to go to the truck (Does CHIKARA have a truck?) they could at least just ask the commentators or poll the fans by a round of cheers or boos. Could be something worth looking into because even if Eddie Kingston was still found guilty of committing a low blow by the crowd in attendance when he clearly didn't then that would be an angle in and of itself, right?
Match Seven: Frightmare / Hallowicked vs. The Batiri (Kodama / Obariyon)
UltraMantis Black remained on commentary for this one and it was interesting to hear him discuss Frightmare and Hallowicked since they turned on him. I do remember them and even had custom figures of them at one point, but I'm not familiar with The Batiri so I'm trying to think of how to describe this team. They wear neon green face paint with matching tights and they have tattoos so that's probably the best way to tell them apart. I like to think of them as The Usos if only because the tattoos are how to tell them apart, but I still can't tell The Usos apart so you might not want to go that way. Their face paint gives off that vibe of something between The Great Muta, Sting and Chessman so I obviously have to stick with Chessman because he's lucha libre. As far as tag team matches go this is a good one because there are a lot of back and forth moments and you're just not sure who will win. I'm not sure how long The Batiri have been a tag team but it doesn't really seem to matter because since they look so similar it connects them as a team so they seemingly think the same way as well. That isn't to say that Frightmare and Hallowicked don't look similar because they do, but they also have been aligned with each other for as long as I can remember. Something about this match though just generated the impression that these were two tag teams on the same page with each other and no one was going to say that maybe one of them hadn't been partners enough and that inexperience would come into play. That's pretty much how you want to see tag team wrestling, which WWE portrayed well in their days of the Smoking Gunns and Men on a Mission. Back then I never questioned how long a tag team had been together because they looked similar and that alone made me feel like they were a legitimate threat. Frightmare and Hallowicked though have this... I don't want to say dark side because that seems too obvious but they've just become ruthless and they tear up The Batiri in this match without remorse. From a superkick into a crucifex pin Frightmare and Hallowicked win this and now that you think about UltraMantis Black being on commentary it just seems right. As good of a match as this was- and it was a good match- the real story here is in what happens next with Frightmare, Hallowicked and UltraMantis Black.
Before the main event of the evening, Chuck Taylor cut a backstage promo and, yes, I do believe he was wearing a Lucero t-shirt. He ain't nobody's darling.
Match Eight: Icarus (Champion) vs. Chuck Taylor *CHIKARA Grand Title Match*
In an attempt to once again show where I left off watching CHIKARA this match will prove it to you because I remember when Icarus was a part of Team F.I.S.T. only I remember him as being with Gran Akuma. Chuck Taylor would only later join F.I.S.T. and that was about the time I had stopped watching professional wrestling on the whole. I actually remember Chuck Taylor from IWA-MS more than any other promotion but we can see how far he has come, competing in other promotions and just becoming a staple in the professional wrestling scene. It's also worth noting that Chuck Taylor has a finisher called "The Awful Waffle" and that makes the pre-teen in me very happy. Icarus somehow managed to kick out of it during this match though and they did have a good back and forth with near falls that made me think this is what CHIKARA is all about because this match was just fun. For one thing, Leonard F. Chikarason and Mike Quackenbush were on commentary- no guest commentators here- to show the importance of the match being both the main event and a title match. Both men were evenly matched but also equal fan favorites I would say as neither really seemed to be the rudo nor playing the heel role either. It was just two guys at the top of their game going out there and wrestling their hearts out. Really, shouldn't it always be that great? But sometimes, yes, we do need that villain role to be filled. I was just happy to see this and wonder which one was the rudo only to realize it was neither. There were not one but suplexes onto chairs outside of the ring and Icarus actually did end up hitting Chuck Taylor with the title belt and then a pedigree but it was only good for two. I thought at that moment maybe Icarus was the rudo because of the belt shot, but it was just more of him not being able to finish Chuck Taylor otherwise and that he was doing whatever it takes over cheating. Needless to say, he wasn't really booed for it. The match came to a close when Chuck Taylor tapped to the CHIKARA Special and this is just something you can't describe. When I think of CHIKARA and how I relate it with the older WWF days and such I try to think of where this match would be in there. It's hard to place because when I was growing up I remember a lot of formulaic main events with Diesel as champion and Psycho Sid and guys like that. I'm talking about before Shawn Michaels was champion even and so it's hard to put this somewhere between that place and when Macho Man became a commentator. If nothing else, I think of this for comparison by using action figures as my guide and as such I think of this as that Hasbro era of WWF toys. I had Shawn Michaels when he was IC Champion but the big champions I had were Bret Hart, Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan... But CHIKARA is an era after Hogan and Warrior so I'd say maybe this would be like Bret Hart defending the WWF Championship against Mr. Perfect only both of them are fan favorites (Which it's hard to find someone Bret Hart faced around that time who was a face and the level of talent as Mr. Perfect) and it's the Perfectplex versus the Sharpshooter. Since that did kind of lack something as a comparison it just goes to show how CHIKARA truly is carving out their own genre here, no matter how much I might think of them as reminding me of something else.
Overall this was a most excellent show by CHIKARA. The matches were all really good and I don't have any complaints which is odd because I usually have at least one complaint for everything. Icarus now has some serious competition coming up the ladder for him and the future of the tag team division as well as other wrestlers on this card has been shaken up a bit, but more than anything this show just left me wanting more and that's the best way to leave 'em.
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