We Battle… On the Ground… Because in the air… Wait, that’d be pretty cool ::: WWE Battleground 2014 Predictions

Tag Team Titles Match: The Usos (Champions) vs. Luke Harper and Eric Rowan

                There certainly aren’t as many good tag teams in WWE as there seemingly used to be, now are there?   The Usos are popular now to the point that they don’t really need the tag team titles, and things need mixing up going into Summerslam, so… Harper and Rowan win, off to conquer the next big challenge at Summerslam and The Usos go back down the ranks to help establish other tag teams (NOT Rybaxel)   Let’s say Harper and Rowan vs. Goldust & Stardust at Summerslam, with a big payoff for Cody Rhodes who finally catches his big break by doing something or other to his sort of brother.   Apparently, this is also a two out of three falls match, not that it matters.

Divas Championship Match: AJ Lee (Champion) vs. Paige

                This can only end in one way.   WWE put CM Punk in their alumni section.   CM Punk said his farewells on Twitter.   Thus, CM Punk is returning.   CM Punk gives Paige a big old kiss, distracts AJ Lee enough to have her lose the title.   Paige goes off to fight the other divas and at Summerslam we have AJ Lee vs. CM Punk in what promises to be an instant classic.

Bray Wyatt vs. Chris Jericho

                Everyone is assuming Chris Jericho will work Summerslam, and thus this match will be the first in a series of two.   That being said, each man should win one but having Bray Wyatt lose right now would be stupid.    Bray Wyatt needs to do something in this match to give it a sort of non-finish, and that will be the one time on this card it will be okay.    Maybe they can brawl so hard the ref will throw them both out.   Maybe Bray Wyatt will get the DQ just because he wants to hurt Jericho more than anything else.  But my bold prediction would pit these two against each other at Summerslam inside… Hell in the Cell.   Because someone has to hold up Undertaker’s legacy.  

The Intercontinental Championship Battle Royal

                The only character in here with any real development is Bo Dallas, so he will obviously win this.   Naturally, this will lead to some throwaway filler match at Summerslam (possibly even on the pre-show) that will help to keep the new streak alive.   Whether or not you agree, you just have to Bo-lieve!

Rusev w/ Lana vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter

                The only option here is for Mr. America himself to return, cause the distraction and give Jack Swagger the win.   Hulk Hogan might not be medically cleared to wrestle, but who says he has to actually get physically involved?   Rusev will bring in Nikoli Volkoff and it will be a huge tag team match set for Summerslam with some big names and Jack Swagger.   By the way, at Summerslam, Sting will return under his USA guise while the entire federation of Russia will back up Rusev.    (Is Nikita Koloff still alive??)

Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose

                This match needs a finish, but it doesn’t need a strong finish.   Seth Rollins needs to win to prove he can successfully cash in his briefcase.    Dean Ambrose needs to win to prove he can successfully keep Rollins from cashing in said briefcase.   So what happens?   The briefcase!   Rollins tries to use it, that backfires and Dean Ambrose scores the pin.    The night after on RAW, Seth Rollins wants a rematch but the Titty Master gloats, “I already beat you, what do I have to prove?” and they put the MITB contract briefcase horseshoe on the line at Summerslam.

WWE Championship Match: John Cena (Champion) vs. Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton vs. Kane

                Everyone expects John Cena to win and face Brock Lesnar for the WWE Championship at Summerslam.   However, John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar doesn’t need the title to be a featured match.   So let’s give Roman Reigns the nod he should have gotten at Money In The Bank and have him win the WWE Championship here.    Randy Orton and Kane can go off and engage in THE MOST BORING FEUD EVER while John Cena will be out the next night on RAW demanding his rematch, only to be interrupted by Brock Lesnar who wants a title shot as well, and boom, that sets up them fighting each other at Summerslam.    Roman Reigns can paint his own target on his chest, and instead of waiting around for someone to cash in the MITB briefcase, we can have a triple threat for the WWE Championship at Summerslam with Roman Reigns defending against Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose.

Vince McMahon Used to be a Billionaire: Money In the Bank 2014 Predictions

                The Money in the Bank Ladder match to determine the new WWE Champion has seven participants, but there are only really four who could potentially win it.   Randy Orton, Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio all seem to be a part of the match as the veterans who have already held the big one, but their careers all need to be overhauled so if WWE really does what is best for business these guys will be more of cannon fodder than actual contenders. 

                That being said, here are the individual cases for the other four.

                Cesaro is quite possibly the least likely person to win out of these four candidates, but just imagine the rub it would give him to come out of this with his first WWE Championship.    WWE would be taking somewhat of a risk here, but yet, they could be reassured that if anything goes wrong with the title run they have Daniel Bryan coming back to reclaim it as a backup option.    It would be interesting as well to see how Paul Heyman interacts with The Authority, but mostly I’d want this to happen because no one thought that Brock Lesnar would end The Streak and if no one thinks this is possible then there is that chance to give Heyman and his impeccable mic work that boost. 

                The next intriguing idea, but still near the bottom of my mind, would be to put the title on Roman Reigns.   Not only would this be done to go against The Authority and create a potential match at Summerslam between Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns, who arguably The Authority would not want to see either of them with the championship, it would further the storyline with The Shield break up.   The first entrant announced for the MITB match for a briefcase for a shot at this title is Seth Rollins.   Whoever else is put into the match at this point seems to be just there for the effect.   The match has become “Seth Rollins and those other guys” because, really, it only seems likely for Seth Rollins to win.   Imagine the scenario if Roman Reigns is champion and Seth Rollins holds the briefcase.    The idea of Rollins watching his back from Ambrose and Reigns now becomes turned as Reigns would have to watch his back.   It creates a scenario I could certainly get behind and would make for a great summer program.   Also, consider Daniel Bryan defeating Roman Reigns in a hard fought match at Summerslam (or vice versa) only for Seth Rollins to then cash in.

                The most likely candidate to win this is John Cena, for reasons I will get into later, but first, my pick to win this match and WWE’s best bet going into the summer is none other than Bray Wyatt.   Why Bray Wyatt you ask?   Well, he’s had some high profile matches and putting the title on him at this point won’t hurt his career any but should only make his character that much stronger, and it is already fairly strong.    The obvious reason to put the title on Bray Wyatt is because assuming that Daniel Bryan returns for his match to get his title back at Summerslam, odds are having him Bray Wyatt, with whom he has much history, well, yeah, that’d be a match to sell pay-per-views (or Network subscriptions) and then someone like John Cena could be in more of a special attraction match)  Also, should Daniel Bryan not make it to Summerslam for whatever reason, we have the contingency plan known as John Cena, who has a history with Wyatt as well.   Also, the other members of the Wyatt Family are scheduled to take on the Usos for the Tag Team Titles.  Imagine a scenario where all three Wyatt Family members are holding gold by the end of the night. 

                Though, of course, the most likely scenario to play out is for John Cena to win the championship.   Rumors are running wild that Brock Lesnar could be returning to WWE and going after the very same championship at Summerslam, so a Cena vs. Lesnar match for the title would draw well, I think.   It seems to be WWE’s safe bet, especially if Daniel Bryan isn’t ready to come back for Summerslam.   But what if Daniel Bryan is ready to come back?   Well, lest we forget what happened at Summerslam last year.   Lest we forget that both John Cena and Daniel Bryan are romantically involved with one of the Bella twins.    This match at Summerslam could have that Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage feel to it, especially if handled properly.   The last time Daniel Bryan defeated John Cena to become WWE Champion, his reign ended quickly as HHH turned on him and Randy Orton cashed in.   Perhaps this can be the chance to set that right and maybe instead of Seth Rollins playing the role of Randy Orton they can come up with some stipulation to keep Bryan safe. 

                In any event, I’m fine with John Cena winning the title in this match if it means they keep it off of Randy Orton because that guy needs a serious character overhaul.    Alberto Del Rio could also do with a change, and while this was all going on I seem to recall Sheamus losing IC Title shots to Wade Barrett so putting the big title on him would make no sense at all.    Any of the four men I listed would be great to see as champion, though it’s most likely going to go to Super Cena. 

[Please Note:  After writing this, WWE added Kane to the match on Monday night—last night.   Not that it matters, because he’ll just go into the background with Randy Orton, Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio]

WWE Wrestlemania XXX Preview/Predictions Part 2

                It’s time to say the one thing that WWE has everyone thinking but won’t say outright: There is no way that Brock Lesnar is defeating The Undertaker and ending the streak at WMXXX.  If for any reason you think that Brock Lesnar will do that, then you are sadly delusional, my friend.

                In the time that Brock Lesnar has been back with WWE since leaving UFC, he has had feuds with HHH, John Cena and CM Punk.  I really don’t remember him having any meaningful victories since his return or even at all, aside from defeating Big Show at the Rumble and, well, it feels like these days Michael Cole could have a victory over Big Show.

                If Brock Lesnar had been undefeated since returning to WWE though, and destroyed all who stood in his path… he still wouldn’t feel like a threat to the streak.   Brock Lesnar is a part timer at best.  It’d be like having The Rock, Batista or Chris Jericho challenge to end the streak—it just serves no purpose to have them do it.

                The three main people who have tried to end the streak thus far (and who have been somewhat seen as threats) were HHH, Shawn Michaels and CM Punk.   HHH could have done it via politics and just because he’s HHH so never put anything past him.  Shawn Michaels could have done it because he was the only guy who has been in WWE as long as and meant as much to the company as Undertaker has, so it would have been acceptable HBK to do it on some level.   CM Punk would have been a nice passing of the torch in a way and he was literally the only person at the time I think Undertaker would have been okay with on the WWE roster as losing to and thus ending the streak.

                What all three of those contenders had in common is that you’d say, “Well, WWE won’t end the streak because it’s the streak… but, they might for this guy”.   With Brock Lesnar, you don’t have that “but” clause.  With Brock Lesnar, it becomes a matter of whether or not this is going to be a good match (I have no real high hopes for it) and also whether or not the size and power of Brock Lesnar is going to overwhelm The Undertaker because he is so old.

                Look, Brock Lesnar might not get the pinfall victory over The Undertaker.  He may not go down in the history books as getting the W.   But, Brock Lesnar might just be the guy who injures The Undertaker to the point where he legitimately cannot compete and defend the streak again next year or ever again.   WWE should be selling that angle- that Brock Lesnar is an unpredictable monster and ‘Taker is old and frail- but you don’t want to book one of your main event level stars as old and frail.

                People might only want to see this match because they feel like Brock Lesnar might hurt Undertaker to a point where he is physically unable to wrestle ever again.  I’m not sure how I feel about that, and I’m not really sure who I want to see compete against ‘Taker in the future for the streak any way, but in many ways it just feels like The Undertaker should’ve hung it up after last year.  I hope this match proves me wrong when I say that, but sadly, I think it might just prove me right.  

WWE Wrestlemania XXX Preview/Predictions Part 1

                Since Wrestlemania XXX is so big, I’m going to be breaking my preview of it up into four different parts.  The first part will be covering the WWE Title match, and thus will also include the HHH vs. Daniel Bryan match that comes before it but will then add a third man to the main event.

                At first, the HHH vs. Daniel Bryan match had the stipulation that if Daniel Bryan won he’d be added to the WWE Title match later on in the night.  I don’t like when they do things like that because it pretty much guarantees that Bryan will win and be added to the match because why else make the stipulation to begin with?   Adding the fact that if HHH wins he gets put in the title match now can cast some shadow of doubt, but the original theory still remains that Daniel Bryan will be added to the title match.

                In order to please fans, WWE is likely to give Daniel Bryan his Wrestlemania moment, as he ends the night WWE Champion, with a fallen HHH, Randy Orton and Batista left in his path.   More important that why Daniel Bryan will become WWE Champion though is perhaps the fact of where do we go from here?   Who is on the level that can be pushed such as Daniel Bryan to make for interesting matches and feuds?

                One thing I would certainly do, though I’d wait for Summerslam, is to bring in John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan.  Last year was the Summerslam when Bryan beat Cena then was quickly beaten/screwed by Orton and HHH.   So building that match up to one year later would be quite remarkable on the part of WWE, though I don’t know if they have that kind of long term planning in mind.

                Someone who connects John Cena and Daniel Bryan right now as well is Bray Wyatt, and he could have some good matches with Daniel Bryan should WWE want to elevate him to that level after Wrestlemania.   Aside from those two guys though (Both of whom are competing against each other at WMXXX), there aren’t that many interesting matches left for Bryan as champion.

                I certainly don’t want to see the typical gauntlet of champion match fodder being run.   No Mark Henry, Big Show, Christian or Sheamus matches please.  Let’s say that for right now, they are beneath the WWE Championship no matter who holds it.   However, should WWE want to push Cesaro as a singles star and have him against Daniel Bryan for the title, then I’m all for that. 

                Which brings me to my next theory, which revolves around the Money in the Bank match which will be inevitable to happen before Summerslam.  So you put  Daniel Bryan in a rematch with Randy Orton, have HHH stack the deck against him again only this time it’s different because Bryan has the title and isn’t going for it.   Batista goes back to Hollywood and sadly, Ric Flair does not return to go one on one with Daniel Bryan.

                If we’re going to put six men into the MITB match and they are six men who a) have never held the WWE Title before and b) also stand some chance of winning the match and cashing in successfully (Sorry Kofi Kingston, Damien Sandow and even Cody Rhodes), then I see no reason why we wouldn’t have these six men in it:  Cesaro, Big E, Bray Wyatt, Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns.   Yes, all three members of The Shield should be in this match because each one would add to it and the “Every man for himself” factor would also come into play nicely.  I could see any of the three grabbing the brief case and having a great match with Daniel Bryan for the title.

                I’ve already made my case for Cesaro winning the MITB match, and I think WWE should put Big E into the mix as what I like to call the “Kane of MITB matches”, so they can have a big power guy who, well, isn’t Kane because there is no way Kane should be in this thing.   On top of that we have Bray Wyatt, who could earn his way in there by defeating someone else (Kofi?) after looking impressive at WMXXX.  The idea of Daniel Bryan as Champion vs. John Cena at Summerslam with Bray Wyatt holding the MITB brief case is a very engaging scenario WWE should explore.   Though, I’d be happy with any of those six men holding the brief case and challenging Daniel Bryan.

                Let’s just hope WWE sees things as promisingly as I do for the months following Wrestlemania and leading up to Summerslam.   We could be victim to any number of lousy title defenses for Daniel Bryan, but if WWE plays their cards right we could also have some of the best wrestling yet in the coming months.  

The Elimination Chamber is a Toilet [Elimination Chamber 2014 Predictions]

Elimination means waste, the chamber could be the toilet for it.   Think about it.  On with the first predictions/thoughts for 2014.

Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs. Ryback & Curtis Axel (pre-show match)

                Since this is on the pre-show, it shouldn’t really matter, but it does kind of make me wonder since Mark Henry returned if he’s going to bring back his tag team with Big E.   I always feel that WWE should start things on a positive note, so a Cody Rhodes & Goldust win here would be ideal.   Plus I have no idea what the benefit of the heels winning would be as they are mostly forgotten otherwise.

Winners: Cody Rhodes & Goldust by default

Darren Young vs. Titus O’Neil

                The measure of WWE’s tag team division can be found in the fact that while WWE has placed some guys together, fans still don’t care and really don’t feel compelled to choose a side.  Should Jack Swagger and Cesaro break up, I could see Cesaro making a good face.   Goldust and Cody Rhodes may or may not be able to exist on their own, but this feels a lot like what would happen if Ryback and Curtis Axel broke up, though fans have already had enough chances not to care about them.

                WWE simply should have invested more into these characters before splitting them from their tag team because now it seems like no matter who wins or loses this match, both men become losers as they fade into mid-card oblivion where you wonder whether or not they’re still employed.

                Someone really needs to make a chart as to how often superstars are seen on WWE television, with JTG being the lowest on the scale or “hardly ever seen” and then someone like Dolph Ziggler or Fandango becomes “slightly utilized” because we see them sometimes but they’re doing anything regular.

                I expect both of these guys to go into the territory above JTG (They won’t just sit home and collect paychecks) but below Dolph Ziggler as if you don’t watch Main Event or Superstars, you’ll most likely never see them again until the annual Smack Down backstage Thanksgiving skit.

Winner:  Darren Young, because he can’t be buried completely 

Batista vs. Alberto Del Rio

                For reasons no one is really sure of, Alberto Del Rio was quite upset that Batista came back and he has been very vocal about it.  This is leading to their match at this pay-per-view, sure, but the faith we should have in ADR picking up a win here rests in the fact that the title shot at Wrestlemania isn’t even on the line here.

                Also, Batista needs to look good (and stay protected) going into WMXXX, so why not defeat a former World Champ who, you know, I don’t know… hasn’t had a meaningful feud or win since Dolph Ziggler was relevant.

Winner:  Batista by a landslide 

Big E. vs. Jack Swagger (Intercontinental Title Match)

                What’s interesting about this match is that on the same night we have Cesaro going for the big gold, Jack Swagger is going for the smaller gold and, well, they are a tag team and have been known to go for tag team gold.  

                Either I had the idea or someone proposed it somewhere that Hulk Hogan joins John Cena to fight The Real Americans in a tag team match at WMXXX and I think that’s our best bet here, so let’s have Big E. retain and other events unfold later in the show.

Winner: Big E, because you want to see him unleash his giant moobs.

New Age Outlaws vs. The Usos (Tag Team Championship Match)

                All too recently, I’ve sat through far too many boring matches on Raw involving the New Age Outlaws.  I remember the Outlaws being exciting and just having all out brawls with other tag teams.  They had a dumpster match against Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie!

                Yet now, the highlights of their matches seem to be whining and rest holds.  How did they get back from TNA into WWE? 

                The Usos are a hot tag team right now- perhaps the hottest in all of WWE- and the guys who look like mini-Rocks have a great high flying style that I enjoy watching more than not and would love nothing more than to see them dethrone the NAO.

                But that isn’t going to happen tonight.   No, I expect some sort of tag team gauntlet or clusterfuck coming into WMXXX that will have The Usos finally win the gold because if not, then I mean, what will they do at ‘Mania??

Winners:  New Age Outlaws… for now.

Randy Orton (Champion) vs. John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus vs. Christian vs. Cesaro Elimination Chamber Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

                Randy Orton faces five different opponents and I’d love to say that one of these guys defeats him, but I find that to be rather unlikely.  Sure, a Daniel Bryan/Batista match up, with the Authority backing Batista, would be insanely awesome… or at least better than Orton/Batista crapfest we’re being taunted by, but I don’t really think WWE is going to try and change the WMXXX main event following the Royal Rumble, no matter who walks out of the locker room.

                On some level, I would actually enjoy seeing John Cena win this match and presenting John Cena vs. Batista at WMXXX because right now anything is better than Orton/Batista.   What I find funny, and what I was thinking about most recently, is how WWE seemed to have a plan set back at Summerslam and they dropped the ball on it.

                Daniel Bryan defeated John Cena for the title only to be quickly defeated by Randy Orton.   Had John Cena avenged his losses to Randy Orton at the Royal Rumble, and Daniel Bryan won the match, then we could have easily seen the Summerslam rematch, with a Bella in each corner, that would have been the hottest Wrestlemania match since Hogan vs. Warrior or The Rock vs. Austin when both were faces.

                So like they do, WWE dropped the ball and I don’t expect them to pick it back up here.  John Cena will go off to do something else at WMXXX, most likely being eliminated in this match by Cesaro to set up that angle for WMXXX.  (Cena calls out Cesaro on Raw, both Real Americans attack Cena, Hogan makes the save)

                Likewise in that scenario, Cesaro won’t be winning this match but will have an impressive show and most likely do the brunt of the work.   At some point in time, though it is still unknown when, I hope WWE has another MITB ladder match, Cesaro can win that and have his first championship reign as a heel, complete with Jack Swagger tension.

                Sheamus and Christian both just returned and are both lucky if they even get on the WMXXX card, so let’s move past them as they’re basically guys who you might think will win but probably won’t.   You’re not going to put Zach Ryder or Santino in this match, but both probably have about as much of a chance as these two do.

                That leaves Daniel Bryan and what he will do at WMXXX.  I really don’t know.  Could Brock Lesnar enter the chamber and destroy Bryan, setting up a match for them for WMXXX?   Oh wait, no, that’s right.  Daniel Bryan has to fill the CM Punk void, so he’ll be facing HHH at WMXXX.   Hooray!

                Orton and Bryan will be the last two, naturally, and The Authority will cost Daniel Bryan the match, which will push him to the point where he calls out HHH for WMXXX. 

Winner: Randy Orton, and the song remains the same

The Shield vs. The Wyatt Family

                The Shield came into WWE as one of the hottest acts and quite frankly, they’re still a really hot act.    Not that long after, The Wyatt Family debuted and generated seemingly just as much buzz.   Fans speculated on the internet as to what would happen, as these two factions were both being presented as heels, and why they couldn’t face off because of it.

                Without turning either faction into face mode, WWE has found a way to make them fight and to make it seem like just an amazing concept, something that I don’t think anyone in the realms of WWE has been this excited for since… Umm… Maybe since CM Punk did something?

                What you have to remember about this pay-per-view are two things.  First, it is the last pay-per-view before Wrestlemania, but it is not Wrestlemania.   And second, this is the last pay-per-view WWE will produce for the foreseeable future that will not be available live on the WWE Network.

                If WWE ever felt the need to flip the middle finger to cable and satellite providers, putting on a less than adequate pay-per-view here could do the trick.   Let’s face facts, WWE has been able to put on regular suckfests even when they were supposed to be worried about buyrates, so this shouldn’t be that much of a problem for them.   Also, it’s nothing that can’t be salvaged by a huge Raw the night after.

                All that being said, there is no reason to break up The Shield.  The Shield members do not need to face off against each other at WMXXX to have a place on the card because, well, how about we just do this match again on the grandest stage of them all?    Really, I’m thinking about it from not only a storyline standpoint, but also from a business stance. 

                Here is a match that is more anticipated than the main event—the main event that the pay-per-view event is named for mind you—and you think WWE will squander that moment by having The Shield break up?  While I wouldn’t put it past them, I certainly would hope they’d give it a second thought.

                These six men are not going to be easy to contain.  There is no practical reason why their first encounter needs to end in Roman Reigns turning on Dean Ambrose, hitting him with the spear and the Wyatts win.   There is no reason for that.   Just make this a melee.  Just have it be an all out war.

                In the end, the refs won’t be able to stop the carnage or keep control in any sense of the word really, and the match is thrown out.   No contest.   Bring out the suits and Jamie Noble, do the pull apart and send the two factions to the back so they can bring out the next miserable match.

                The aftermath of this, of course, involves these two teams fighting again at WMXXX only under  a different set of rules.  Put them in a cage?  Give them a no DQ match?   Give them a special enforcer?  I’d look to call someone like Mick Foley or Steve Austin, but I think Foley might be your man here.

                Yeah, give these two a rematch at WMXXX.  No DQ.  Special Guest Enforcer/Referee Type Guy: Mick Foley.  If you’re going to turn Roman Reigns, at least wait to do it until then.  

I will return with WMXXX predictions as that card takes shape and until then hope that some kind folks put WWE pay-per-views on YouTube for free because, well, you'll have The Network.

WWE's Tender Lovin' Care Predictions 2013

                It’s that time of the year when WWE likes to remind us that Left Eye is dead.   If you’re thinking this seems like a throwaway pay-per-view before the New Year begins (And the road to Wrestlemania), then you’re probably right.

                Although Alberto Del Rio is being evaluated for a concussion, I still wouldn’t be surprised to see Sin Cara (aka Hunico) on this card somehow.   I also wouldn’t mind seeing the rejuvenated Brodus Clay either. 

Dolph Ziggler vs. Fandango

                This is the pre-show match, so you know it’s going to be Miz/Kofi levels of greatness.   At one point in time, both of these guys were heels that fans cheered so they kind of became faces and now who knows what they are other than buried.

                It really feels like this should be an awesome IC Title level ladder match instead of just pre-show fodder, but sadly that is the state of WWE right now.   Dolph Ziggler needs to move back up the ranks more than Fandango since the latter really just needs a gimmick overhaul (Less dance, more wrestle)

Winner: Dolph Ziggler, to send us into the show happy

AJ Lee (Champion) vs. Natalya (Diva’s Championship Match)

                If there is any justice in the world, Natalya will win the title and have a good run as champ until Wrestlemania against a returning Trish Stratus, Awesome Kong (Kharma) or Beth Phoenix.   But knowing WWE, AJ Lee will keep the title somehow and then the women (or at least her, as champ) won’t even make the Wrestlemania card.

Winner: Natalya, not that it will affect the ratings for Total Divas

Goldust & Cody Rhodes (Champions) vs. The Real Americans vs. Curtis Axel & Ryback vs. Big Show & Rey Mysterio (Tag Team Championship Match)

                What interests me most about this match is the fact that WWE has four tag teams here, yet there are even more tag teams out there not being used.   The Shield and Wyatt Family are both in handicapped matches, Prime Time Players, The Usos, 3MB, Tons of Funk (if they instead of breaking up stay together as monster heels) and even that pairing of Xavier Woods and R-Truth round out what seems to be the best the division has seen in quite some time.    (Also, don’t forget Hunico and Camacho, when Hunico isn’t playing Sin Cara)

                If Cody Rhodes and Goldust are going to have a match at WMXXX (and why not), then it should start now with them losing the tag titles, followed by dissension in the Rumble match itself.   That means that they need to lose the tag titles here, even if through no fault of their own.   So let’s break down the competition.

                I have no idea why Big Show and Rey Mysterio are a tag team, other than having memories of Rey Rey being stuck to a stretcher and Big Show slamming him into a ring post.  If this is setting the stage for a Big Show-Rey match at WMXXX, then there is no hope for either man here.

                I actually do hope that Curtis Axel and Ryback have a match at WMXXX… on the pre-show.  So with the makeshift tag teams out of the way, that leaves only The Real Americans as a viable option to the win titles and rightfully so.

Winners: The Real Americans, because Jack Swagger is a former World Champion dammit!

Big E Langston (Champion) vs. Damien Sandow (Intercontinental Title Match)

                On one hand, I remember when Big E was bodyguard to Dolph Ziggler and then Sandow and Ziggler had a series of match for some reason.   Unless Big E is going to get the true Diesel treatment and win the 2014 Royal Rumble match, I don’t see him dropping the IC title yet.

                Additionally, Damien Sandow has proven time and time again that he can still look good while losing.    I see no need for a title change here, but hopefully Damien Sandow can get a good match out of Dolph’s former bodyguard. 

Winner: Big E Langston, because WWE likes it big.

C.M. Punk // Daniel Bryan vs. The Shield // The Wyatt Family (3 on 1 Match)

                I’m actually previewing these together because they are both 3 on 1 matches and so they share that same quality and a lot to be done with the predictions.  On one hand, if either Bryan or Punk should lose, no one is going to blame them for not being able to overcome the odds. 

                In a similar yet flipped idea, for either team of The Shield or The Wyatts to lose would be kind of odd because why can’t even the tag team versions of those factions beat one wrestler?  

                The whole deal is highly illogical on paper and could make for some excellent wrestling, though it doesn’t stand that either man will gain anything here.   (The factions in winning  or even the singles competitors by winning)

                More damage will be done to the Wyatts and Shield if they lose than good will be done to Bryan or Punk, and should either man or both lose… Well, really, this just feels a lot like no matter who wins or loses it doesn’t matter.

                I just want to see Punk wrestle Ambrose and Rollins.   Let’s hope 2014 is the year that Dean Ambrose wins the MITB and cashes in successfully.

                While it doesn’t really matter who wins or loses, I’m still going to say that Bryan succumbs to the odds and loses (Only to bounce back with a Royal Rumble win ala Shawn Michaels, entering at #1) and Punk will probably win due to The Shield having some sort of argument. 

Winners: C.M. Punk and The Wyatt Family

Randy Orton (WWE Champion) vs. John Cena (World Heavyweight Champion) (Title Unification Match)

                So here’s the thing.   WWE has been pretty shitty all year and they have their problems, especially with delivering on promises, so now it’s time for them to step up.   This match can be as much of a mess as it needs to be—overbook it, I could really care less.   The only thing that needs to be accomplished is that Randy Orton needs to come out the winner and Undisputed Champion.

                Why?   Because we need a heel going into Wrestlemania XXX.   Because we need a foe for Daniel Bryan and their feud sort of got put on the backburner so let’s bring it back.   Because John Cena will hopefully find some other way to spend WMXXX.

                Yes, I fully expect Daniel Bryan to be “punished” and forced to enter the Royal Rumble at spot #1.  This would lead to a D-Bry win ala Shawn Michaels, who then sides with Bryan over The Authority.   This will set up the face of WWE Randy Orton (w/ HHH, Stephanie and Kane) vs. Daniel Bryan (w/ Shawn Michaels and Jose Lothario) for the title at WMXXX.  

                When Daniel Bryan wins the Undisputed title at WMXXX, he can then feud with John Cena again.  But Cena will have bigger problems, possibly even Brock Lesnar sized problems.   I don’t know, I haven’t worked out Cena’s role at WMXXX yet and I do not want to see a triple threat match.

                But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Winner: Randy Orton because John Cena isn’t friends with HHH

                The next pay-per-view (and first for 2014) is the Royal Rumble and that should be interesting.   The matches aside from a title match and the Rumble itself always seem to be throwaway, so we’ll see John Cena vs. Randy Orton again in some capacity, if only to shift their feud to other people.   (I fully expect Orton to go doing something else while John Cena faces Daniel Bryan at WMXXX)  The Rumble match itself also gives a chance for the real Sin Cara to return as well as Brodus Clay to dump out Tensai.   

A Sort of Means of Survival: WWE Survivor Series 2013 Predictions

                It saddens me deeply that Survivor Series isn’t all elimination matches.  Clearly that card could have been made by combining some of these matches.  It has always been a great opportunity for someone to pin a champion and be seen differently for it.   Imagine if Dean Ambrose pinned John Cena.   But alas, it will not be seen this year.

                Also, I remember one year when an elimination match got bumped to the next night on Raw.  That was kind of funny.

                As of right now, we have six matches scheduled and one of them is on the pre-show.   So for sake of throwing everyone onto the show, I’m going to say we get an added bonus elimination match with:

Intercontinental Champion Big E Langston, Dolph Ziggler, Xavier Woods, R-Truth and The Great Khali vs. Curtis Axel, Damien Sandow and 3MB

                This might seem awkward because Big E and Dolph were once friends as heels, then enemies and now they seem to want to be on the same side again.   Let’s keep this simple if it does happen though.  Big E eliminates 3MB with the help of Khali, but then Curtis Axel gets a cheap pin on Langston, continuing their IC Title program. 

                Sandow and Axel are left to fight in a two on four match up.  Axel works over Ziggler, who eventually makes the hot tag.  The team of Woods and Truth (Truthwood?) proves to be too much and Sandow is eliminated.  

                Curtis Axel falls to the numbers game, leaving everyone on the good side surviving except for Big E. Langston.   They all proceed to dance afterwards, to the joy of no one.   This will hopefully set up Big E Langston into an IC Title program with not only Curtis Axel, but Dolph Ziggler and Damien Sandow as well.   It feels like it’s been too long since we’ve seen a good triple threat or four corners elimination style match for a secondary title.

[Please Note: After I fantasy booked this match, WWE announced an IC Title match between Big E. Langston and Curtis Axel.   Big E isn’t dropping the title this quickly, but let’s say they’re replaced here with Santino on the face side and Fandango on the heel side.]

<The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston>

                This will serve as a pre-show match, but it shouldn’t even really be on the card yet.  The Miz just turned back to a heel on Monday night and is out to prove his turn worthy by taking down his former tag team partner (and I use that term loosely) in Kofi Kingston. 

                Normally, Kingston finds himself on the panel in the pre-show, so whoever he pissed off is probably thinking he should be happy just to be wrestling.   Miz uses cheat tactics and manages to win this one, convincing no one to order the pay-per-view who wasn’t going to order it already.

                Miz really needs to do something big here, and I don’t mean bring back Alex Riley.  Miz needs a big heel move here or else he’s just going to go back to superstars limbo, which I think is most likely going to happen anyway.

Winner: The Miz via shenanigans

< Total Divas vs. Non-Total Divas (7 on 7 elimination match)>

                First off, who knew that WWE had 14 divas on their roster?  They probably have more, because Summer Rae might not be in this match, but I don’t really care who is on either side because this match is on the card for only two reasons.

                Not only will this serve as a way to promote the Total Divas show (which is why that team will inevitably win), but this should be the filler between the two main title matches. 

                With Mickie James being interviewed about a possible return by WWE.com, TNA really needs to re-evaluate their roster of women because I’m not sure if they even have a total of four right now.

                And when is the TNA reality series “Total Knockouts” coming anyway?

Winners: The cast of Total Divas because, you know, they have a reality show to promote

<Goldust, Cody Rhodes, The Usos and Rey Mysterio vs. The Shield and The Real Americans (Survivor Series style elimination match)>

                The do enjoy the idea of putting together these tag teams that have issues, but it feels like Rey Mysterio was only thrown in here because it’s a lot lighter of a workload than, say, a two on two tag match.
 

                As of late, The Shield has been taking some beatings and I think that they need to turn that around in this match.    In fact, having The Shield as a trio in this and The Real Americans as a tag team seems to serve their purposes better than, you know, having Rey Mysterio thrown into the mix at the eleventh hour.

                I’m hoping for a heel win in this one and see maybe only one or both of The Real Americans being eliminated from the winning side.  Using double and triple team tactics, the heels should have no problems pulling this one out and leaving discussion over whether Rollins and Reigns or The Real Americans should get the next tag team title shot.

Winners: The Shield and The Real Americans because BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD!

<CM Punk & Daniel Bryan vs. The Wyatt Family (w/ Bray Wyatt)>

                In one of the more compelling stories (and by that I mean the only really compelling story) in WWE right now, we see two similar men fighting against a somewhat new faction in what just intriguing on so many levels you don’t feel as if WWE could be behind it.

                CM Punk was once on the road back to a WWE Title shot, but then he was sidetracked by Paul Heyman and company, a feud which for now seems to be settled.   Daniel Bryan was most recently WWE Champion before being screwed over by The Authority and Big Show taking his spot for seemingly no reason, but hey, this match will be a lot better than Orton vs. Bryan 8.

                On the other hand, we have the Wyatts who are one of the most interesting aspects of WWE since the debut of The Shield and, yes, I’d still like to see that Shleld-Wyatts feud WWE hinted at recently. 

                In some ways, CM Punk and Daniel Bryan are sort of a super tag team, like when Shawn Michaels teamed with Stone Cold, except these two are getting along.   I think this tag team title only helps the tag team division and ultimately all five men involved in it.

                This is the match I look most forward to on this card and it most likely be the best match as well. 

                The question is not where does it go, but rather where do we go from here?   Easily enough, The Wyatts can lose (Even if just by a DQ from outside interference by Bray) because The Wyatts have, oddly enough, lost tag team matches before, though when you think about them you don’t really think of them as losers.  (Much like how Prime Time Players and The Usos have actually won matches, but you don’t think of either of those teams as winners)

                I believe Daniel Bryan will go back into the WWE Title picture after he ends this feud and consequently Big Show ends his mess with Orton.   Big Show could even move into a program with HHH that no one would give two shits about.

                So since WWE likes to mess with Daniel Bryan, let’s say this for right now.  I’m predicting Daniel Bryan to regain the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble next year from Randy Orton (It’s only two pay-per-views away)    Then, I predict CM Punk to win the Royal Rumble match itself.

                This will set up a nice sort of celebration for the following night on Raw for Daniel Bryan, only to be interrupted by CM Punk who chooses to face Bryan at WM30, or as I like to call it WMXXX.

                John Cena can still defend the WHC against Randy Orton or whoever probably wins an Elimination Chamber match, though after the Rumble we can expect Bryan to defend the title in an Elimination Chamber match against Kane, Orton, Big Show and maybe even RVD will be back by then. 

Winners: CM Punk and Daniel Bryan

<John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio (World Heavyweight Championship Match)>

                John Cena returned at the last pay-per-view and won the WHC from ADR.   And then, he also successfully defended it when Damien Sandow cashed in his MITB briefcase.   So if you think for one split second that this match has been booked so ADR can win the title back, you’d be wrong.

                I have to see this one going to DQ though, as I don’t see any clear winner being presented here thus furthering the feud.   My biggest problem is that if ADR is challenging John Cena still for the rest of the year, then who will step up and do so?

                Well, who is in contention for the WHC anyway?   The recently returned Rey Mysterio?   No, WWE would be much more likely to book a heel against Cena.   Damien Sandow?  Probably not again yet.    Brock Lesnar or Matt Morgan?  Don’t hold your breath.

                John Cena will probably just float along until Wrestlemania, having no real competition and if anyone can do so, I trust the writers at WWE to have a program between Cena and Del Rio take us all the way until this time next year for no good reason.

Winner: John Cena, but the feud must continue!

<Randy Orton vs. Big Show (WWE Championship Match)>

                In one of the most bizarre turns in WWE history, this feud with Randy Orton being The Authority’s Champion originally started with Daniel Bryan going for the gold and, well, he has yet to really be defeated cleanly by Orton.  

                So Big Show somehow comes into this, like a side project, but manages to take over the lead.   I don’t think that Show will become WWE Champion and I only see his involvement in this as a way to delay the eventual Orton-Bryan match. 

                Between Kane, Stephanie and HHH, I don’t see Big Show being able to overcome the odds and win this one.   Plus, Big Show’s best career moments were ten years ago so there is really no need in putting the belt on him at this point.   This really serves no other purpose than having Randy Orton trying to build credibility by saying he beat a giant, but come on, everyone beats Big Show these days.  Ryback almost beat him!  Ryback!!

                So I assume we see this Randy Orton/Authority storyline play out for the rest of the year with Daniel Bryan, who will eventually have to win the Royal Rumble to get his title shot (maybe) but who knows.   John Cena as WHC vs. Randy Orton as WWE Champion would be the best bet for both of those men at WM30 as of right now, so let’s see if maybe we can somehow get to that instead.

Winner:  Randy Orton because… you know why